Praying for the Desire to Pray

I'm slowly starting to get it: Apart from Him I can do NOTHING. I cannot repent. I cannot have faith. I cannot be born again. I cannot grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I cannot pursue holiness. I cannot give thanks in all circumstances. I cannot make my calling and election sure. I cannot rejoice in the Lord always. I cannot love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind. I cannot love my neighbor as myself. I cannot keep myself from idols. I cannot set my mind on things above. I cannot speak the truth in love. I cannot hope against hope. I cannot persevere to the end. I cannot not be anxious for nothing. I cannot obey His commandments. I cannot train up my child in the way she should go. I cannot deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. I cannot pray without ceasing. I cannot even understand fully that I really cannot do any of the things that I just mentioned and I cannot make a list of everything that I cannot do. I cannot. I am not able.

Hence, by grace I have been saved through faith. And this is not my own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that I may not boast. For I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that I should walk in them. Christ has become my life by His own doing. I was dead in my sin and He made me alive in and through Himself. He is growing this truth in me. He is making light in the dark places. He is showing me what should be so obvious: I must pray to live. I must pray because I cannot do anything. The only reason I desire to pray is that He put the desire in my heart. He is giving me a heart that beats for Him and longs for Him and wants what He wants me to want.

My prayer this morning went something like this, "Father I need to pray. Help me to pray. Give me the heart and the mind to pray and to stand before You. Make me a Christian. Help me to desire You above all things in all circumstances. Be my treasure. Turn my eyes to things that are above. Help me to see others the way You want me to see them and to be Your servant. Help me to pray God. Help me to ask You for what I need. Give me satisfaction in You alone that I may know real joy. I love you God. I want to love You more. " And so, in Jesus' name may it be so. May He do the work that He alone can do.

Amber

Writing My Way Out of the Slump

The ice is falling away. Winter is leaving. Winter has always been special to me, but it has taken on a new significance now. It helps me to long for the Spring. In my youth, I enjoyed Winter for Winter's sake. It held holidays, special events, time off, brisk air and room for one more quilt on the bed. Age, and hopefully some wisdom, have made Winter a season in my soul as well. In recent years the cold dark season has stopped being "fun." When this first began to happen, I just thought it was the cold and the longer days of darkness and cloud cover that assisted my own "darkness." But now, darkness has become a longing and a love for the Light. Light. God is light and in Him there is no darkness. When I feel that I am in darkness I can know that He is not and that He will not allow me to stay in the darkness any more than He does the rest of His creation.

The only "friend" of Job that was not rebuked by the Lord, was Elihu. I'm not sure why, but I do know that Elihu knew that every single thing in this life and creation is meant to turn our eyes toward Him. By the breath of God ice is given, and the broad waters are frozen fast. He loads the thick cloud with moisture; the clouds scatter his lightning. They turn around and around by His guidance, to accomplish all that He commands them on the face of the habitable world. Whether for correction or for His land or for love, He causes it to happen. Job 37:10-13. Everything exists for the purposes and glory of the Lord, even my "darkness." I have learned that God uses it in my life for bigger and grander things. I am learning to be content in Him alone. The older I become, the less this world seems to attract me. The things around me seem to grow "strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

In Seasonable Counsel: Or Advice to Sufferers, John Bunyan wisely stated, "We also, before the temptation comes, think we can walk upon the sea, but when the winds blow, we feel ourselves begin to sink...And yet doth it yield no good unto us? We could not live without such turnings of the hand of God upon us. We should be overgrown with flesh, if we had not our seasonable winters. It is said that in some countries trees will grow, but will bear no fruit, because there is no winter there." So I too am learning that in order to bear the fruit of His Spirit, I must endure some Winter whether for correction or for His land or for love. And finally I am learning to love Him and treasure Him above all things: this is why I exist. I believe that on that great day when I behold Him face to face, I will see how truly light was my "darkness."