Praying for the Desire to Pray

I'm slowly starting to get it: Apart from Him I can do NOTHING. I cannot repent. I cannot have faith. I cannot be born again. I cannot grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I cannot pursue holiness. I cannot give thanks in all circumstances. I cannot make my calling and election sure. I cannot rejoice in the Lord always. I cannot love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind. I cannot love my neighbor as myself. I cannot keep myself from idols. I cannot set my mind on things above. I cannot speak the truth in love. I cannot hope against hope. I cannot persevere to the end. I cannot not be anxious for nothing. I cannot obey His commandments. I cannot train up my child in the way she should go. I cannot deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. I cannot pray without ceasing. I cannot even understand fully that I really cannot do any of the things that I just mentioned and I cannot make a list of everything that I cannot do. I cannot. I am not able.

Hence, by grace I have been saved through faith. And this is not my own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that I may not boast. For I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that I should walk in them. Christ has become my life by His own doing. I was dead in my sin and He made me alive in and through Himself. He is growing this truth in me. He is making light in the dark places. He is showing me what should be so obvious: I must pray to live. I must pray because I cannot do anything. The only reason I desire to pray is that He put the desire in my heart. He is giving me a heart that beats for Him and longs for Him and wants what He wants me to want.

My prayer this morning went something like this, "Father I need to pray. Help me to pray. Give me the heart and the mind to pray and to stand before You. Make me a Christian. Help me to desire You above all things in all circumstances. Be my treasure. Turn my eyes to things that are above. Help me to see others the way You want me to see them and to be Your servant. Help me to pray God. Help me to ask You for what I need. Give me satisfaction in You alone that I may know real joy. I love you God. I want to love You more. " And so, in Jesus' name may it be so. May He do the work that He alone can do.

Amber

Writing My Way Out of the Slump

The ice is falling away. Winter is leaving. Winter has always been special to me, but it has taken on a new significance now. It helps me to long for the Spring. In my youth, I enjoyed Winter for Winter's sake. It held holidays, special events, time off, brisk air and room for one more quilt on the bed. Age, and hopefully some wisdom, have made Winter a season in my soul as well. In recent years the cold dark season has stopped being "fun." When this first began to happen, I just thought it was the cold and the longer days of darkness and cloud cover that assisted my own "darkness." But now, darkness has become a longing and a love for the Light. Light. God is light and in Him there is no darkness. When I feel that I am in darkness I can know that He is not and that He will not allow me to stay in the darkness any more than He does the rest of His creation.

The only "friend" of Job that was not rebuked by the Lord, was Elihu. I'm not sure why, but I do know that Elihu knew that every single thing in this life and creation is meant to turn our eyes toward Him. By the breath of God ice is given, and the broad waters are frozen fast. He loads the thick cloud with moisture; the clouds scatter his lightning. They turn around and around by His guidance, to accomplish all that He commands them on the face of the habitable world. Whether for correction or for His land or for love, He causes it to happen. Job 37:10-13. Everything exists for the purposes and glory of the Lord, even my "darkness." I have learned that God uses it in my life for bigger and grander things. I am learning to be content in Him alone. The older I become, the less this world seems to attract me. The things around me seem to grow "strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

In Seasonable Counsel: Or Advice to Sufferers, John Bunyan wisely stated, "We also, before the temptation comes, think we can walk upon the sea, but when the winds blow, we feel ourselves begin to sink...And yet doth it yield no good unto us? We could not live without such turnings of the hand of God upon us. We should be overgrown with flesh, if we had not our seasonable winters. It is said that in some countries trees will grow, but will bear no fruit, because there is no winter there." So I too am learning that in order to bear the fruit of His Spirit, I must endure some Winter whether for correction or for His land or for love. And finally I am learning to love Him and treasure Him above all things: this is why I exist. I believe that on that great day when I behold Him face to face, I will see how truly light was my "darkness."

"Do you do well to be angry for the plant?"

This question fascinates me because of Who asks it. The answer is equally fascinating for the same reason:
“Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” Talk about attitude! If one is unfamiliar with this dialogue, one might be tempted to think that the plant-angry individual is a woman. After all, women can become upset and self-absorbed about the most seemingly ridiculous things. "This is my plant. I love this plant. I will make this plant the center of my affections and efforts. The condition of this plant will determine my attitude, mood and outlook on life." By now you may have guessed that this was not the response of a woman, but of Jonah, the prophet of God who had already spent time in the stomach of a great fish or whale for his attitude problem. Hence, you may also know that the One asking the question is God Almighty Himself. He is the one that made the plant and the one who had it destroyed. He is also the one who put Jonah in the creature's stomach because Jonah was running from God. Jonah did not want to deliver a message of warning to the people of Nineveh to repent because he knew that God was compassionate and would forgive them if they did so.

Now the Lord God appointed a plant and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be a shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort. So Jonah was exceedingly glad because of the plant. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered. When the sun rose, God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint. And he asked that he might die and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” Jonah 4:6-8. Jonah's response was not that of Job, "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Jonah was a prophet chosen by God who knew that one of God's many attributes is goodness. Everything God does is good. It is good because it serves His purposes. God's definition of good and mine and Jonah's can be very different. But I have learned that if I choose to stop and focus on God and His goodness and compassion for me, I can believe and trust His goodness. His goodness is not defined by my circumstances, His goodness is evidenced in the changes He is forging in me as He breaks me and shapes me into the woman He wants me to be: a woman satisfied in Him.

I do not have a plant. I have a '98 Cadillac De Ville with 150,000 miles on it. As I read over this passage of scripture, this was one of the many "plants" that popped into my head. "LORD, yes you have saved me. You have brought me to life through the death and resurrection of your Son Jesus, but I cannot be happy or content unless this car You gave me is in good running order." Here comes the moment of truth: "Amber, do you do well to be angry for the car?" I'm sorry to say that I have been every bit as self absorbed as Jonah, but as I am learning that the Armour of God must be put on and kept on and must fit snugly with no room for tiny arrows to needle their way in, I am learning to say and to mean "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." I am learning. Many times this learning comes first through complaining and feeling sorry for myself, but the turn around time is gaining! I am quickly convicted, praise God! He is shaping me. He is not going to allow me to sit by my car and wallow in my imagined discomfort. He is changing me. My hope is that one day, even on this side of Glory, that my response to disappointment and discomfort will be, "Blessed be Your name LORD. You are good and do good. You love me and You are sanctifying me. Thank You." I do not always arrive at this joyous place quickly, but it is ever increasing, and in that, I rejoice.

Finally, I mention that the word for discomfort used in verse 6 may also be translated evil. This makes this passage even more brilliant for me!! God sent this plant to save Jonah from his own evil. He is compassionate. He is good. He will do what He deems best to sanctify His children. By His grace, my salvation, after all, is my chief desire. Thankfully, He always remains faithful to this desire even when I get distracted by cars, small budgets, perfect health and time for myself. He is never distracted. He Who has begun this good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. Thank You God.

Amber

A Thanksgiving State of Mind

In A Charlie Brown Thanks-giving, Pepper-mint Patty, who has just embarrass-ed herself by complain-ing about the lousy Thanksgiving dinner that Snoopy prepared (never mind that a dog and bird prepared it)--a dinner to which she invited herself, Linus explains why we have Thanksgiving and that our country was the first to have such a holiday. Peppermint Patty started grumbling. She's a complainer. She's not thankful. C.H. Spurgeon once said that there is no grumbling or murmuring in the ranks of heaven. The angels wouldn't think of it. The angels who did think of it, no longer inhabit heaven. They were cast out. They looked upon the splendor and majesty of the Almighty and grumbled. They worshipped themselves instead. This is why I have slowly learned that grumbling and complaining make me just like my adversary. When I give in to an attitude of grumbling, I am doing exactly what he did.

This really hit me last night. A great deal of my spiritual sword fighting goes on at the kitchen sink. We have an automatic dishwasher, but for some reason I always wash dishes in the sink. I have a lot of time to think there. It seems like every time I pass the sink, there are dishes to be washed. I was tired last night, and my first thought was, "How can there be more dishes to wash? I JUST washed a sink full!" Call it what you will, but I stopped cold right after that thought and began preaching to myself, "No Amber. Be thankful. Do not give in to this. It will only turn your thoughts to yourself and it's all up hill after that." I then turned my thoughts to God, "Thank you Father, for a happy home this autumn night and for the dishes that are here because of the good food we had to eat and the fellowship we were privileged to enjoy. Thank you for my life. I have nothing to give but thanksgiving." This led me to remember a passage in 1 Chronicles 29: 13 And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name.
14 “But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from you, and of your own have we given you. 15 For we are strangers before you and sojourners, as all our fathers were. Our days on the earth are like a shadow, and there is no abiding. 16 O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have provided for building you a house for your holy name comes from your hand and is all your own. Even "my" thanksgiving did not originate with me. It is a wonderful, shackle breaking gift from God. In all things give thanks. Instead of being anxious, give thanks. Give thanks with a grateful heart. Enter His courts with thanksgiving.

EVERYTHING, I have and am, is from the Great Sovereign LORD. He gives me thanksgiving as a great ladder to climb up and out of the idolatry pit and to turn my face toward Him. Stopping to be thankful will always change my heart, mind and focus. Always. God gives me thanksgiving as a way out of grumbling so that I will not be like my adversary. He gives me Christ who gave thanks in ALL things. Thank you God. Thank you for thankfulness.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Amber

Keep Yourselves From Idols

This is a direct quote from 1 John 5:20. It is simple and direct. It means what it says. There is nothing more to dig for here. The ESV study bible states "this means keep yourselves from trusting, obeying, revering, and following--that is, in effect, worshiping--anyone or anything other than God himself, and his Son Jesus Christ." The Christian life would be so easy if I did this. If I always had my eyes on Him. If I always treasured Him above everything. If I were always living in a manner and attitude that showed that I worshipped the one true God alone. If... Everyone talks about idols. Actually, the talk can be pretty casual. God obliterated people for idolatry. He also demonstrated great patience and grace with idolaters. But ultimately and finally, it will not be tolerated on any level because there is no level other than Himself. He is God. I am not. And I am the biggest problem I have. It took nothing more than a 2 year old to prove it. (http://www.monergismbooks.com/ESV-Study-Bibles-p-1-c-709.html)

Two year olds are the center of their universe. They want what they want, when they want it and have no shame in letting everyone know it. When you add to this sickness or discomfort a two year old can be impossible to please. I have found that when I am trying to please a two year old, I am also keenly aware that I am not happy because I'm not getting or doing what I want and ultimately I want what I want. Hence, the two year old and the 37 year old act very much alike.

I am a lousy excuse for a god. I can do nothing on my own. I have no power to add a single second to my life or accomplish anything worthwhile when it's all said and done. I have no control. This is painfully obvious to me now, but yet I still struggle with self worship. What does all of this mean? Worshiping God alone and thinking on Him and His attributes allows me to escape the "woe is me" trap and the "I deserve a break" mentality. If I get real honest about what I deserve, I get very uncomfortable and ashamed. Every good gift is from above. What do I have that I did not receive? Nothing. The Christian life would be easy if I did not allow myself to compete for the worship due Him alone. I exist only for His glory. I do not exist for my own means and end. Every single breath of every single day is His to give or take and I have no control over that. My pity parties are pathetic and my selfishness is loathsome.

See the picture on this entry. Does she look like something to be worshipped? Does she look sovereign or holy? She is a sad object of worship. Worshiping her will not make me happy and will get me absolutely nowhere. O most Holy God, may I die to self that I may worship You and know the joy that comes only from being in Your presence. Little children, keep yourselves from idols.

Amber

Breathed Out By God

Follow this thought with me. When
God made me a Christian, I was not to rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
The power of God is found in His word. The ultimate expression of His Word is Jesus Christ. If I have really seen Him and looked at Him and know Him as He is made known to me through the Scriptures, then I know God. My faith in the Living God came from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. All the promises of God throughout all of Scripture find their YES in Him. Therefore, when I read His word, I am hearing from Him, I am seeing His heart, I am given all that I can handle of His wisdom and His mind. His word will stand forever. He alone gives salvation by His grace and for His glory. All of this amazing, life changing, earth shattering truth comes together on the cross and through the resurrection. He has backed up every single word with the cross and the resurrection. When Immanuel prayed for me before taking the Wrath of God in my place, He prayed that I would be sanctified in the truth. His word is TRUTH. I wasn't near death in my sins when Christ made me alive. I was DEAD in my sins. Christ, by His grace and for His glory made my ALIVE. When I hold my Bible in my hands, when I read the words printed there, I am as close to Him here on this earth as I can possibly be. When I read His words and ask Him to teach me His truth, He will. He does.

As I consider His word and His grace and His power I think of those who were completely satisfied in Christ because they knew what they had in Christ. I think of Tyndale who risked his life to translate the Bible into common language so the common plow boy could understand it. I think of the Ten Boom sisters who risked their lives to carry a new testament into the gates of hell so that they could share the Light in the great darkness to which they were led. I think of the nameless Vietnamese soldier who asked for latrine duty so that he could find and save the pages of the book of Romans that his Captain was using for toilet paper because he was holding on to hope. I think of Gladys Aylward who was overwhelmed that the God of Nehemiah was also her God, and the if Nehemiah could rely on the word of God for life, so then could she. I also think of the hundreds of Chinese Christians who have met in secret together to hear the word of God read so that they could then memorize it because they were not permitted to have a Bible. This cloud of witnesses knows what they have in Christ and in His word.

Jesus said that knowing the truth is what sets me free. He is the way, the TRUTH and the life and I will not come to the Father by any other means. There is no other truth. There aren't two truths or extra truths. He is truth. His truth has been life to so many like these I mentioned. They weren't looking for comfort in this life. They weren't asking for new cars or a good day on wall street. They clung to Him for life, whether that meant here or in Heaven. God said His grace is sufficient for me. He didn't say that about anything else. Only His grace. Therefore the most loving and saving thing He can do for me is to always keep His truth before me whatever that takes. If by my life and circumstances, He shows me my complete dependence and need for Him and His grace, then I have been blessed beyond measure. If He is constantly showing me that my treasure is in Heaven, then I will have no ties that bind me here. If I am not satisfied in a Savior who took the wrath of God in my place and has made me His heir, then I am to be most pitied and most likely to be in the misery of discontent all of my days constantly looking for that little extra something that will make it all better. I have the Spirit of the Living God dwelling in me! I have eternal life! I have forgiveness of sin! I have the very word of God to hold and to read. May I do so daily with a thankful heart and with the great expectation that He will speak to me on every page until I see the living Word face to face!
Amber

The Times, They Are A Changin'...

...or are they? God says there is nothing new under the sun--nothing. World turmoil, financial collapse, hatred, apathy, evil and self love, they've been around as long as we have and they aren't going anywhere until God declares, "Enough." The day is coming.

Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in His commandments!...He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD. Psalm 112:1,7 I want a firm heart. I want to fear God and nothing else. I want to trust Him with my very life. Paul tells us that for the believer, Christ is our life. It is not mine. Christ has absolute right and ownership. I don't want to waste my life worrying and being fearful of the world and its evil. I tend to be afraid when I focus on myself and what I think may or may not happen to me. Hence, I become the center of my universe and the steady spiral of idolatry ensues. This is wasting life. I have no life to waste if Scripture is true and I believe that it is. I am to submit myself each day under the Sovereign hand of God and seek His order for that day. This is to be true no matter what the headlines read.

I am not a good god. I control nothing. I know very little and I am unable to add a single second to my life by trying to be god. When sudden fear grips me, this is why it does; I have misplaced my worship. The LORD, He is God. "Stand up Amber. Look at your God. Who are you to be afraid when I, I AM He who comforts you. I am God. I am Sovereign over absolutely everything and everyone everywhere. Stop looking at yourself. Get rid of your mirror and look at Christ." This is the kind of thing that I hear from God when I stop in the middle of my storm tossed thoughts and get still before Him. There is no chaos in God. In Him is complete order and truth and light. When I fear Him and Him alone, I will fear nothing else and I will not waste my life.

Amber